I am obsessed with NPR (National Public Radio). Not too long ago I heard this hilarious Talk of the Nation show about a book, and a stage show, dedicated to truly awful teen writing. Today I was rummaging around in my basement and came across what I consider to be my finest example of this genre and here it is for your reading displeasure:
I brought him there to see
as I did
The passionate colors of the trees
All he saw was Dutch Elm disease
I brought him there to smell
as I did
The fervored scent of honeyed flowers
All he smelt was the compost
I brought him there to feel
As I did
Enlightened and whole
But all he felt was
Bored and dirty
I laughed my ass off after reading this. I wrote it when I was 19 years old, a freshman in college and dating a 34 year old man who was an artist and was (of course!) in a band—he had an earring too (although not long hair as he was balding).  I didn’t know or realize at the time the only reason a 34 year old man dates a 19 year old girl is women his own age can spot him as a loser from six paces; only inexperienced 19 year old girls think a 34 year old artist/guitarist whose band is “way better than The Mission†is the shit. In my defense he was a very talented painter and had a wonderful voice. The rest, ugh.