My 5 year old: “Mommy, I like plants”

Me: “Of course you do honey, it’s in your genes” (my grandfather, my mother, me-all gardeners and I have a master’s in plant ecology)

My 5 year old: “I’m not wearing jeans, I’m wearing pants!”

——————————

My Sister-in-law was explaining why she didn’t sleep well the night before…

“Mom and stepfather were up at 4 a.m. and at 5 a.m. they were yelling at each other”

My mother-in-law: “Yeah, we were discussing politics and religion–the yelling subjects”.

————————————–

My neighbor–a stay at home mom–relating her psycho blow-up at her husband:

“I’m sick of hearing about all the great damn lunches and stuff at work you get to do!! All I have to think about is where to place the office furniture and how not to get pooped on!”