My best friend is getting married to a wonderful guy, which is great and we’re all really excited.  This however, means I will be the “matron of honor”.  I loathe with a passion the word “matron”.  Words have power because their connotations say something about their underlying cultural assumptions.  My title of my position in the wedding changes based upon if I’m married or not.  “Maid of honor” if I’m not married, and “Matron of honor” if I am.  Now, the title of “Best Man” doesn’t change based on the participant’s marital status, why does mine?  Why does it matter if I’m married or not?  I was discussing this with my husband and he asked, “What do they call you if you’re divorced?” which is a good question so I looked it up.  Apparently if you’ve ever been married you are still a “matron”.  My guess as to the etiology behind this arrangement is the historic cultural (and religious) obsession with women’s virginity.  I guess everyone needs to know if I’ve gotten some in my life (putting aside the idea of course, that you don’t need to be married to do the deed, presumably had I done so I would have been stoned to death).  My new suggestion for this position: “Best Woman”. 

There are so many “traditions” in a wedding ceremony that have misogynistic roots in the cult of virginity (hello, white dress!, the “giving away” i.e. “this is property I pass to another man”).  At my wedding both my parents walked with me down the aisle, and you can bet I made sure the words “honor and obey” weren’t included.