Dear Lawn,

What the hell do you want from me?  I aerate, fertilize, weed, mow, trim, use $60 of water on you a month and you still look like crap.  You only exist because of my HOA and if I find a way around that, you are dead I’m telling you.  I sweat and worry and you give me a lackluster performance which is embarrassing. I have a master’s in ecology–specifically grass ecology, don’t you know that? And I’m a gardener to boot, you are damaging my street cred in the ‘hood.   You take more work than all my perennials combined and you are only about 1,000 square feet.   I specifically chose a house in a new urbanist neighborhood with small lawns because I don’t need the stress of trying to maintain a species that needs three times the amount of precipitation we get here in the semi-arid grassland of the Front Range.  So you know what?  I give up.  You can look bad if you want, I’ll spend the time I save not working on you on my pretty flowers such as indian blanket that know how to treat a person who loves them. Screw you, lawn.

My neighbor related this hilarious story last night:

Her husband had to get a physical and he was looking over the doctor’s orders.  He noticed “digital rectal exam” on the list and was impressed, and commented something to the effect of:

“Look honey, they now do these digitally, it must be a scan or something, Thank God for technology!”  His wife–who is in healthcare–gave him a look, put her index finger in a hook, and wiggling it said,

“It’s ‘digital’ not ‘digital’”

When they were both relating this story his defense was “Well, I’m a technologically savvy guy right, I was thinking digital, you know 1001001!”.

The next neighborhood over heard us all laughing

I was talking with a neighbor the other day who is currently selling her house.  I asked her how it was going as the market in Denver is really crappy at the moment.  She sighed and explained many of the people coming to look at her home complained about several different things, and made the very astute observation “people either get it [new urbanism] or they don’t”, which is totally true. 

Purchasing a home is generally the largest investment people ever make.  Investing a large sum of money tends to make people (understandably) highly cautious, they often purchase a home with an eye towards resale: will other people like/buy my home in the future?  Hence the dominance of beige in the suburbs, it appeals to the widest variety of people and is non offensive (but, alas, also crushingly boring).  It takes someone with guts to make the biggest investment of their lives in something different.

I’ve been having a conversation via email for months with a couple who’s interested in my neighborhood, they drove in and loved it, but their real estate agent at the time advised them against it, apparently saying the schools in our area aren’t very good (not true at all) and that mixed-use developments don’t do well with resale (also not true at all, average price per square foot in my neighborhood is $40 higher than the bordering traditional beige neighborhood–that should tell you something!); this bias with real estate agents and new urbanism is encountered again and again–many of them just don’t get it.  The following things are the ones people have told me (or I’ve heard second hand from realtors) that freak potential buyers out about my new urbanist neighborhood.

1. Small Yards.

This is absolutely number one on the list.  Yes, our yards are smaller–most yards in new urbanist neighborhood are.  This is so there is more room for public green spaces such as parks, which you personally don’t have to maintain and in which you actually will interact with your neighbors.  Think about the yards you usually see in vast majority of suburbia, what do they look like, and how much of them really get used? 

Right now we’re in the process of looking at houses close to mine for my sister-in-law, yesterday we went to a couple of open houses in traditional, suburban subdivisions.  They all had huge front and back lawns, and of what?  A large swath of chemical and water sucking Kentucky blue grass lawn that will take ages and significant amounts of cash to mow, trim, water, and feed.  All the yards we saw pretty much looked like grass deserts, totally boring with no character save perhaps a few stunted shrubs or trees.  Now, I know not everyone is a gardener so I’m trying not to be snotty, but why spend a bunch of time and money on something you aren’t really going to use? 

In my prior home in a standard beige subdivision, we had a 12,000 square foot lot. When my husband and I thought about how much of our lawn got actually used, we had to admit the only thing that did get used on a regular basis was our 30 x 30 foot deck.  The rest of the enormous lawn just sucked money, time, and natural resources.  I am frequently asked if I miss having a large yard, and I can honestly answer Not. One. Bit.  Every neighbor I’ve asked about this has said the same thing–small yards free up time and money, and allow you to maintain wonderful little gardens with tons of character.  Bigger is not always better.

The small yard thing seems to always translate into: not good for kids, families won’t want to buy houses there.  Totally untrue.  My neighborhood is predominately families, the yards are plenty big enough for kids to play in, and they have the benefit of wonderful pocket parks all through the neighborhood.  Kids don’t need 10,000 square feet of half dead scraggly grass to have a place to play–I don’t have any grass in my backyard and my daughter entertains herself quite happily on our deck. If we want grass we go to the park which I don’t have to mow, trim, fertilize, or water (well, I do pay for a portion of that with our HOA fees, but I don’t personally have to do anything).

2. The houses are close together.

Houses are closer together in new urbanist communities because of smaller lots, and because of higher density.  This freaks people out.  Yes, my neighbor is close, and no, it’s never been a problem, the opposite in fact.  I actually want to see my neighbors, so it works for me.  However, I am the type of person who would leave their door wide open all day long for people to walk in and out (and this does happen here in the summer) and I love it, I like people around, all the time.  This is not to say I don’t have privacy, if I want it, I just go in the house.  If you aren’t social and don’t want to talk to your neighbors, a new urbanist neighborhood isn’t for you.  There are houses in my neighborhood that ostensibly have owners, but I’ve never actually seen evidence of them.  I don’t get that but it’s a free country.

3. The houses aren’t all beige.

One particularly adventurous neighbor here in Bradburn Village has painted their large farmhouse eye popping canary yellow.  I love it, but one of my favorite colors is chartreuse so that should tell you something. Bright, different colors don’t suit everyone’s taste, and it’s your American right to live in a bland, non-offensive, boring as hell 18 shades of beige neighborhood if that’s your preference, just like when you go to buy ice cream you can choose to order plain vanilla with nothing on it.  Many, but not all new urbanist neighborhood feature strong, bold colors–keeps things from being boring. And my house?  Screaming yellow.

Even after living in my new urbanist community for three years, I am consistently amazed at how much it affects my daily life for the better.  I have a sense of security and community here I’ve never felt anywhere else.  I commonly think of the difference between my old, traditional suburban subdivision and my new, new urbanist community when I look at the difference between one emergency I had there and one I had here. 

I lived in my old neighborhood for 4 years and I was working full time as a research scientist at Colorado State University, which somewhat prevented me from noticing that I didn’t know anyone in my neighborhood (I did know my direct next door neighbors by name but that was about it).  It was only when I had an emergency–a miscarriage–that I realized: I don’t have anyone to call who lives close.  My husband worked an hour away at the time and couldn’t get to me quickly, my mother-in-law lived in Springs, 2 hours away, and my friends at work lived about 30 minutes away.  So I ended up driving myself to the hospital emergency room hemorrhaging behind the wheel of my Saturn (dangerous and stupid).

By contrast, in my new neighborhood, my daughter became very sick and was exorcist vomiting all over the house.  She had a really high fever but couldn’t keep anything down and a panicked call to the pediatrician revealed that I should go to the store and get her Tylenol suppositories.  My husband was out of town, how was I supposed to get a fountain vomiting 4 year old in the car and drag her to the store?!!!  I didn’t have to.  I called one of my neighbors and she was at my door in 5 minutes.  She went to the store for me and bought suppositories–now THAT’s a neighbor!  New Urbanism means not having to drag your vomiting, hysterically crying child to the store to get medicine to stick up her butt which will make her even more pissed–a neighbor will get it for you (the stick up the butt part, you’re on your own, part of the fun of being a parent–although two of my neighbors are nurses and in a pinch I bet I could get them to do it but would never ask). 

I’m all for everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  However, I do expect that opinions that are to be taken seriously are based on facts and logical reasoning.  This piece, published Sat. Feb. 24th in the Rocky Mountain News Wall Street West section, doesn’t measure up.  Please note the picture accompanying this piece is of my neighborhood, Bradburn Village.  The photo is of the apartments here, which comprise only 10% of the housing, the other 90% are single family homes and townhomes–the photo and caption makes it look like the entire development is very high density, which it is not.  We are also NOT a “transit-oriented development”, those are developments which have direct access to light rail, or other public transit, which we do not.  Use a fact-checker Rocky Mountain News.  Also, Bradburn was NOT subsidized with a TIF, and local municipalities regularly subsidize retail and office developments–would you rather them give more money to a big box crappy looking Wal-Mart, or a beautiful, mixed-use community people love to live and work in?  Give me a break.  My letter to the editor in response to this poorly written and researched opinion piece is below.

Dear Rocky Mountain News,

In the opinion piece “New Urbanism’s Flip Side” (Wall Street West-Saturday, February 24th), author Jennifer Lang–who obviously never interviewed residents of Colorado’s new urbanist communities–stated “..Certainly singles and childless couples will find these areas attractive..”.  I live in a single family home in Bradburn Village in Westminster, and while we have childless couples and singles who live here, our community is overwhelming populated by families with children who have found our new urbanist community an ideal place to live.  Anyone who has ever spent more than one day at home with a small child can attest that having things close by to walk to–parks, schools, churches, restaurants, shops, and bars (for parent’s nights out!)–prevents the feeling of social isolation and boredom so common for parents staying at home with their kids in a traditional suburban subdivision–where they have to get into the car (always a big production when you have small children) and drive to get anywhere.

I find the author’s declaration that “Denver-area residents are being bombarded with high-density living centers” and “the freedom to choose where you live is subtly being eroded by the insistence of planners with New Urbanism on the mind” patently ridiculous. New urbanist communities either completed, under construction, or planned in Colorado are far, far outnumbered by more traditional suburban developments, providing more than ample free market choices for house hunters. Ms. Lang states “..how many more people want to live with little or no yard and with all the urban annoyances of noise, crime, etc?”.  First, yes, yards in new urbanist communities are smaller than the average subdivision.  The only thing this means to my family–and to most others that live here–is we don’t spend our time, money, and effort watering, weeding, mowing, and trimming a vast swatch of yard that barely ever gets used.  We all go down to our local pocket parks so our kids can play together and we can socialize instead.

Urban annoyances?  Please.  Bradburn and other Colorado new urbanist communities in suburban areas are higher density than traditional subdivisions, but they are far from being urban, with the blights that can follow.  The only annoyances I’ve ever had living here are decidedly suburban–dog barking. New urbanist communities combine the best of city living–the ability to walk to interesting places–with the best of suburban living–low crime, great schools, and lower density (than cities). 

As to how many more people want to live in new urbanist communities–plenty judging by our resale value in Bradburn, which is much higher than surrounding traditional subdivisions.  New urbanism creates places people want to live, which in a free market drives up prices, meaning there is more demand than supply.  As to the comment that “social engineering” the lifestyles of Coloradoans is the goal of “urban renewal planners”: How horrible that I know all my neighbors, that I have a list of thirty people who live close by that I can call in case of an emergency, or if I just need someone to watch my five-year old so I can get something done.  How horrible that the pleasing streetscapes, walkability, pocket parks, and porches of our community encourage neighbors to talk to one another; to create the true community we have here in Bradburn–I feel so oppressed by our never ending social events, the safety I feel in our community, and the beautiful and architecturally different houses in my new urbanist neighborhood, not all painted fifteen shades of beige.  
 

My husband is a homebrewer and loves to make, drink, and share beer and wine.  I don’t drink beer or wine, but I have an interest in walkable neighborhoods and community, which is where believe it or not, our interests overlap.  As I mentioned in a previous post people in my neighborhood drink, all the time, and around their kids (stick that in your cap, those opposed and indignant about the “martini playdate”–we laugh at that term here–it isn’t sufficient in scope to characterize what happens, “neighborhood wide drinking-fest” would be more accurate–someone (out of about 50 people) is always however, sober to drive in case of emergency)–It takes a village allright.

My husband and I have been trying to work on a portable beer tap that we can wheel around the neighborhood from park to park, party to party, house to house.  Most of the “portable” kegs on the market are *Ehem* too small for our neighborhood of at least 50-100 people we see during the summer every weekend, and others are refrigerators with wheels, but also with a power cord.  So we are in the process of designing and building our own from a wheely trashcan, pipes, and a tap, guess we could call it “The Pedestrian Keggerator–a portable keg large enough for new urbanist neighborhoods”.

The actual best place we’ve found for the brewing of the beer is on our front sidewalk.  This involves a gigantic metal kettle and a propane burner.  We sit on the porch while it brews and enjoy speculating what people who are driving through the neighborhood looking at houses must think **strains of banjo music playing–you know the tune****

 

 

Wendys has a new line of toys for their kids’ meals.  The toys and informational booklets come from National Geographic Kids.  And while I sincerely appreciate Wendys attempt to inject education into their fried food, I think they might want to reconsider some of the specifics.

One toy in particular stands out.  It is a small, plastic, detailed and relatively clever replication of an Egyptian sarcophagus containing a mummy buried in sand–listed on the website as an “Egyptian Sand Toy”.  The promotional copy is as follows: “Uncover the mystery of the tomb.  Locate the secret button to reveal an Egyptian mummy hidden under the sand.  This tomb is just like the ones used by Kings in Egypt thousands of years ago!”.

I was over at a neighbor’s house and her daughter held up this toy from her Wendys kids’ meal and the following conversation ensued:

Neighbor’s 4 year old: “Look!”

Me: “Oh, yeah, it’s a sarcophagus!”

Neighbor’s 4 year old: “No it’s not, it’s a mummy box!”

Me: “That’s what sarcophagus means honey, what a perfect description.”

Neighbor: “Yeah, I don’t know if I like the fact that Wendys is giving out toys that force me to have a lengthy discussion about death over dinner”.

Me: *hysterical laughter*

I’m not much of a drinker–at least I didn’t used to be until I moved to a new urbanist neighborhood.  In my old neighborhood I had no friends–not even really casual acquaintances–among my neighbors, and there were no bars within walking distance (well unless you wanted to walk for more than 30-60 minutes to the bizarrely charming shit-kicker bar).

In my current neighborhood I know everyone, everywhere–there’s always someone who is up for either going out to our local tavern, a charming and beautifully done little Irish pub embellished with dark wood paneling and a fireplace–or for having casual planned or unplanned get-togethers; they pretty much always involve drinking, in our parks, on our porches, on our sidewalks, in my guest house–you get the idea. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, this is a bit of hyperbole for journalistic effect–no one in my neighborhood (at least that I know of anyway) is getting crapfaced and beating their wife, husband, and/or kids, or driving after drinking because we don’t have to–we can walk (or stagger) home from 3 bars and multiple restaurants, and our friend’s houses. When I say I drink more what I mean specifically is I went from about 10 oz a year of alcohol consumption to about 30, which isn’t lush territory by a wide margin.  However, I have found that the enormous number of neighborhood friends I have made, their proximity, the huge number of social events we have here (including 2 that are totally alcohol related-a wine tasting and Oktoberfest), and the ability to walk to alcohol sources such as the bars–and let’s not forget the liquor store is an 8 minute walk from my door as well–causes me to drink more than I ever have before.  New Urbanist design promotes drinking as a byproduct of more social interaction and walkability.  Not sure the Congress for New Urbanism wants to promote that angle.  We even joked to our developer that they could use the slogan “In our neighborhood kids always have someone to play with right outside their front door so the adults can stand on the porch and drink”.

I guess being alienated from your community is so common now, it’s being used as a sales pitch.  The letter below is a response I sent to Colorado Public Radio regarding a letter they sent to me (and presumably also my neighbors) recently.

————-Begin Letter——————————————–

Today I received one of your letters asking for support in the mail.  As I love CPR and listen to it almost exclusively, you will be getting a support check from me.  However, I thought you might want to tell your marketing department they may want to alter the pitch of the letter when they are sending them to new urbanist communities like mine in Colorado.

 

The letter begins “There was a time when “community” conjured up images of town meetings on village greens.  We rocked on our front porches, bought lemonade from the kid next door, and knew the names of every dog on the block.  But times have changed. Sometimes we barely get to know our neighbors before we (or they) move on.  The kid next door is more liekly to have a website than a lemonade stand.  Still, the need for community is strong in us, so we have redefined it to fit our lives…”

 

Here in my community, and I know also in many of the other new urbanist neighborhoods in Colorado, these “times” are back.  We have town meetings, although in our town hall and not our village green (which we also have).  We do all sit on our front porches.  We all know our neighbors.  And I know every kid on my block, the block behind me, and the blocks on the other side of the neighborhood, as well as their dogs.  Admittedly, I’ve only seen kids selling lemonade at a stand here once, which was last summer.

 

The idea of longing for community may be effective in most of Colorado’s sterile beige box subdivisions, but it won’t work here, we actually have one.

 

Best Regards,
Petra Spiess

 

———————————————————

 

A little snotty I guess, but I thought it was amusing.

New urbanism is one of my main interests.  The reason it is one of my main interests is until four years ago, I didn’t really know what it was, and didn’t realize why I was so desperately unhappy living in a traditional, sprawling, beige suburban subdivision–I didn’t know I had a choice. 

My husband and I had seen Prospect New Town (pics above), on the south side of Longmont http://www.prospectnewtown.com  when it was first being built in 1997-1998, and we loved it, but at the time, couldn’t afford to live there (which is ironic because the house we were looking at was $300,000 and is now $700,000).  We had been living in a traditional suburban subdivision for four years in Fort Collins and we decided to move to Denver.  I knew I wanted something different, but wasn’t sure what, I wanted something like Prospect but didn’t want to live in Longmont for commuting reasons.  Then we found our current community-a new urbanist one, and it totally changed my life when we moved here.

In my old subdivision, I had gone from being a research scientist–a very intellectually stimulating job–to being a stay at home parent, which for me was a huge adjustment, and a very difficult one.  I felt stranded, extremely lonely, and screamingly BORED.  My subdivision was a beige ghost town, the only time I ever saw anyone was when they left in their cars in the morning, and when they drove in at night–there were really no public spaces in my subdivision for people to hang out or go to, so they all just retreated to their simulacra of “little cabin in the woods”. There was nowhere to walk to, to get anywhere I had to spend at least 10 minutes in the car.  Every house was the same or very similar design and color–there must have been 13 slightly different colors of non-offensive beige in there.  It sucked.

In my new community, there is an emphasis on shared public spaces.  Every house is 5 minutes walking distance from a pocket park, and 5-10 minutes walking distance from restaurants, offices, and services such as a day care center, a school, and a church.  Here I can walk to the following things in 5-10 minutes:

A grocery store
A pharmacy
16 restaurants ranging from fast food to sit down steakhouse
A car service place (I frequently drop my car off to get service and can walk home and then back to get it)
3 bars including a great family owned pub 5 minutes from my house
7 parks, including a very large one built by the city with soccer fields, baseball, basketball, and enormous playground equipment
An organic community garden
13 other types of stores including a smelly stuff store (bath products, perfume and the like)

Now, being able to walk to things won’t be a big revelation to anyone who has lived in a city, but I never have–I’m a child of the suburbs, so this idea is new to me.

All houses here have porches, and everyone uses them.  Because my new community encourages people to be out in public, I have met almost all my neighbors–and not just the ones on my street, I know everyone on my street, the three streets behind me, and almost everyone in the other phase of the development.  If I need help, or just want to do something, there are at least 15 people in here I can call.  The most indicative I think is my cell phone.  90% of the numbers in my cell phone directory are my neighbors; people who are now close friends and with who I do things weekly.  Here, if my daughter wants to play with someone, (or if I do), they’re right out the front door. There are people around outside all day, every day, the place is vibrant and social.  Walking to the mailbox which is 5 minutes away can take 2 hours, because I run into people along the way and we stop and chat, I NEVER feel lonely here. 

Since moving here, I’ve realized how much the design of our daily surroundings influences our lives, so I’ve done a lot of reading and talking to people about new urbanism.  One of the aspects of new urbanism is social engineering by design.  The idea is to design to encourage people to be in public, instead of retreating to their homes and staying there.  To this end, new urbanist communities create pedestrian friendly environments, create things for people to walk to close to their homes (stores, restaurants, services etc..), and build many public spaces such as pocket parks, in the hope that people will get out, meet each other, and develop a sense of community so sorely lacking in most suburban subdivisions.  In my reading about new urbanism I’ve seen many people (planners, critics, developers, architects), debate if this social engineering by design works or not.  What I have not seen, is someone writing about this that actually lives in a new urbanist community.  Well I do, and it does.

I have also seen some very unfair criticism of new urbanism-the primary one being that new urbanist communities are about nostalgia for a “simpler time” (like there ever was such a thing); that people are attracted to them because they all want to be with racist, bourgeois consumers like themselves.  This criticism seems to primarily arise because most new urbanist communities are composed of neo-traditional architecture, and these critics equate neo-traditional architecture with negative ideologies such as racism (any traditional Southern style such as plantation ), or fascism (neo-classical style).  Got news, architecture is not ideology.  Classic designs are classic for a reason.  PEOPLE LIKE THEM.  That’s it, no nefarious scheme here.  My personal preference is for a mix of neo-traditional and modern architecture, like Prospect.  But currently, that’s pretty rare in new urbanism for a variety of reasons.

New urbanism is a response to the social isolation of traditional suburbia, as well as an environmentally sensible approach to planning-reduce car trips, and it works. Do I still use my car?  Of course.  But I unquestionably use it less than I did when I lived in sprawlsville. 

Does new urbanism have problems?  Yes, primarily affordability.  New urbanism creates places people want to live, which in a free market drives up prices.  And yes, sometimes the neo-traditional architecture lends itself to the creepy sense of a Hollywood set (the set of “Desperate Housewives” looks a bit like my neighborhood, and like a street in Prospect). However, unless critics have a better approach to community planning, SHUT UP.